Heartbreaks and distances
by detective.stanakatic
Summary: A post 8x02 fic. Rick follows Kate out but will he be able to get his wife back?


_**A/N**_ _A post 8x02 fic._  
 _It was written in a hurry on my crappy iPhone that doesn't work at all but I just had to get this out._  
 _Hope you like it anyways I was an emotional mess when I wrote it._

 _ **DISCLAIMER-**_ _As amazing as it would be nope, don't own this wonderful show._

He couldn't move.  
He couldn't think.

He just stood there and stared at the closing door.

She was gone.

The love of his life was leaving him.

He needed to get her back, he wanted her back.

Before he knew it he was rushing towards the door hoping she was there, desperately wanting to hold her close.  
He was angry but he just wanted his wife back.  
He didn't wait for four years for nothing.

As soon as he stepped out of the door he saw her standing there, she turned around as soon as he got out and he noticed her tear streaked face. He just wanted to hold her close and promise her it will be okay. But he was angry and had every right to be.

"Castle.." She said.

He wanted to say so much, he wanted her back but all he could manage to whisper was her name

"Kate." He said.

He could see her fighting back the tears brimming in her hazel eyes as she slowly closed them and one escaped and made it's way down to her cheek.

"Please don't go. We can do this together." He finally managed to say.

She slowly opened her eyes and said  
"I have to."

"We can work this out. Together. As partners." He said.

"Rick.. I have to go." She replied.

"But why?! Why can't you stay here with me and figure things out. With me?!." He countered.

He could feel the anger escaping him. Everything rushing out.

The feeling was familiar, her running away from him while he desperately wanted her back. Just like all those years ago he was angry, so angry but he couldn't lose her.

He just couldn't.

He saw her take a deep breathe and say "Because I can't bring you down with me again. I can't do this to you."

He didn't know what he was expecting but it was certainly not this.

"I want to be there for you." He replied.

"Then I need you to trust me. I love you, I love you so damn much but you have to let me do this. If you love me then please just trust me when I say this. I need to figure this out, if I'm lucky enough you will take me back but Rick all I want is your trust." She said.

Another tear escaped her eyes

"Don't leave." He said.

"I just need space." She replied.

"Just like you did all those years ago? Isn't that what you said? I need space? And then I didn't hear back from you from three months. Three god damn months." He said the anger flaring through this words.

"T-That was different." She said.

He knew he was hurting her and before he knew it the words escaped from him  
"You're doing what you do best Kate. Running away from your problems. Just like you always have."

He could see the shock on her face as the words escaped him. He regretted them.  
He regretted those words so much.

"Kate.." He said just wanting to make it better.

He was angry but he wouldn't hurt her like this. He noticed how she was trying to hold back. Hold back all her emotions from him. This rarely ever happened.

Her walls rarely ever came back.

"You're right. I am running away. I am running away just like I always have. But I need to protect you Rick. I need you safe. I'm screwed up Rick. You don't need me." She said.

She sounded broken.

Defeated.

"Kate don't say that." He said.

She was everything.

She was his everything.

"It's true though isn't it? I'm never going to be good enough for you! I wasn't back then and I'm still not. Just like I did back then I need some space to figure myself out Rick. I love you. I want to be good for you Castle. I need to do this and I need to protect you." She lashed out.

"Kate don't say that.. Just don't. And I don't need protection." He said desperately trying to reason with her.

"You don't get it do you?! Everyone I've ever loved has left me. Every single person. I can't let them get to you. I just can't."

Tears were making their way down her face as she said that.

She sounded so scared.

So very scared.

He couldn't see her in so much pain.

The silence stretched between them as he finally said "I'm not going anywhere Kate."

"You don't know that. I need this Rick. Whatever I did today was to protect you and I will never apologise for that because I love you and I can't see anyone hurt you. I need to do this. I need it."

He could see she was struggling to keep her emotions at bay.

He just wanted her to stay.

"But going away from me isn't the solution." He said. She had to see reason.

Her entire face crumpled as the tears broke down and came rushing down her face.

"I just need you to trust me." She whispered.

She sounded so broken.  
So very broken.

"You've been on the run for almost two days Kate. You were shot! Shot once again. You're injured and you're exhausted. You're not thinking straight. Where will you go? Just stay here and don't make any rash decisions." He said.

"You think this is easy for me? It's not Rick. I don't want to leave you but I have to." She replied.

He could see her breaking down.  
He knew she was not thinking straight.  
He just wanted to be there for her.  
Just wanted to figure things out with her.

He stepped towards her and gently held one of her hands.

"I could help you. Just like I did before." He said.

She removed her hand from his and wiped her tears aways and said "Not this time Rick.. I'm sorry."

"Kate.."

He just wanted her to see that they could do this.

Together.

"I'm so sorry." She whispered.

He could feel the tears brimming in his eyes, threatening to fall. For the first time in his life he was at a loss of words.

"I love you don't forget that. Please forgive me." She said before looking at him one last and turning around and walking away from him.

He watched her go as his world came crumbling around him.

He didn't know how long he stood there, just pondering over why she would do this. Slowly he made his way back inside. As he closed the door he smelt something burn and vaguely noticed his daughter running down the stairs and switching of the stove.

He couldn't think. Nothing made sense.

"Dad!" He heard her say.

He slowly looked up at her and saw the worry taking over her features.

She made her way towards him and asked "What's wrong?"

"She is gone." He said.

He could see the shock settle on his daughters face as the words settled in

"G-Gone? What do you mean gone?" She asked.

"She needed some time. Needed to figure things out. So she left me." He replied.

He felt his daughters arms around him as she held him in her embrace

"She will come back. I know she will." She murmured.

" I don't know." He said.

He didn't know.

He didn't know anything anymore.

His daughter stepped away and said "What did she say?" She asked.

"That she needed me to trust her."

"And do you?"

"I don't know." He replied.

These three words were going through his mind again and again. He just didn't know.

"You have to trust her. She loves you." Alexis said.  
"She just wants to keep you safe dad."

He simply looked up at her at a loss of words.

"What do you need?" She asked concern washing on her face.

"I-I just need to be alone." He stammered.

She gently kissed his cheek and squeezed his hand "I'll be upstairs."

He watched her go just as he had seen his wife minutes ago.

He made his way to his office and opened a bottle of scotch, poured a glass and downed it in one go. He felt the familiar burn down his throat as he stared ahead.

Everything reminded him of her. All the books he wrote for her, the award he won reminded him of how her face had lit up the night he received it. He stayed there for a long time, losing track of the number of his drinks.

He couldn't get that broken look out of his face.  
Her beautiful face in so much pain.

He took one last sip of his drink before throwing his glass against the table as it shattered in a million pieces.  
Just like his heart.

Four years.  
He waited for four years.  
He wasn't giving up.

He stumbled towards their bedroom and stopped. Everywhere he looked there was the evidence of the life they built together.

Their wedding pictures, the seashells, the velvet blue box he gave her the morning before lay abandoned on the corner of their dresser, he couldn't let her just leave all of this.  
They worked damn hard to reach where they are.

He threw his shirt in a corner and removed his under  
shirt, he ripped down his pants and made his way to their bed.

Their.  
It was theirs.

He went to her side of the bed and slowly got in, he grabbed her pillow and buried his face as the lingering fragrance of cherries hit him. He clutched the pillow against his naked chest and wondered how had everything gone so wrong?

Just two days ago she was here with him, laughing as they talked about their future together.  
Was she just going to throw it all away?

He leaned over and grabbed his phone and saw the familiar lock screen of her, it was at the Hamptons one day. He remembered being so mesmerised by her as she laughed at something he said  
he had quickly managed to get this snap and made it his lock screen.

He pressed on his contacts and his finger hovered over her name. She needed space she said. But he was angry and wanted her back.

Her words came back to him "I just need you to trust me."

He needed to let her figure things out.  
He just wanted his wife to be with him.

He pressed on her number and heard her familiar voice telling him to leave a voice message.

After the beep telling him to proceed with his message he slowly began speaking

"Kate. Please call me. Can we just talk things over?" He slurred as the alcohol coursed through his veins.  
"Just come home." He said.

He turned off his phone and placed it on his bed stand and picked up the picture he kept there.  
It was a picture of her at their wedding, he traced a finger along the picture and placed a kiss on the frame.

Did she not love him anymore? He wondered.  
She had repeatedly told him that she did and when she returned if he still had a place in his heart for her she will come back to him.

He will always have a place for her.  
Always.  
Wasn't that the promise they made?

He closed his eyes as the alcohol began working it's spell.

"I love you Kate." He murmured.  
"I'm going to get you home." He said as he slowly drifted of to sleep with images of their life together whirling in his mind.

He was going to get his wife back.  
He was going to get her to love him once again.

 _ **A/N**_ This is the end for now.

As much as that ending hurt I trust the writers. We all know that Caskett will obviously get back together eventually and they needed this. They need time apart and I'm glad they're showing this.

I might continue this and write it from Kate's perspective.

Thoughts and reviews will be appreciated and this story does not have a beta as i don't upload my fics here but just felt like sharing this one.

xoxo


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